Why I Hate Dining Out

Today grandma was in town visiting while daddy is away on a week-long fishing trip to Canada. When daddy is away, grandma likes to come and help mommy out (a.k.a. keep mommy sane). Grandma thought it would be nice for us to all go out to dinner so that I could have a break from cooking. It wasn't nice, and I'll tell 'ya, it was no break!

I'm going to just jot down a few notes for myself for future reference. The next time I think it would be a good idea to take three kids under the age of 5 out to a restaurant, I hope I'll take a few minutes to come back and read this post. Real slowly.

1. Why is it that the restraints or straps on every shopping cart or public high-chair that I come in contact with are broken?

2. Why is it that restaurants don't fully wipe down their broken high chairs after each use, so as to prevent the next occupant from sitting in a sticky, filthy mess?

3. When will I learn that I should always, no matter what, put my kids' milk into my own cups from home that have secure lids that won't bust off (and spill milk all over the table).

4. Why does Jack have to do his gutteral scream in public places?

5. Why can't Jenna and Kara speak in a normal, conversational tone when they're in a restaurant?

6. Why is there never enough room on the table to safely store all of the table's contents (salt, pepper, condiments, silverware, glasses of water, etc.) out of the reach of a toddler?

7. Why don't all servers instinctively know that they should never, under any circumstances, place a beverage, plate or utensil within direct reach of a toddler?

8. Why is my container of wipes in the diaper bag always empty when we're in a restaurant?

9. Why do I continue to order meals for all of my children when all three of them could eat off of one plate and still have left-overs to bring home?

10. Why do all of my children remove their shoes and kick them under the table as soon as we sit down?

11. Why is it impossible for an adult to reach under the table when sitting in a booth to retrieve the shoes, crayons, utensils, straws, napkins, etc. that end up down there?

12. Why, oh why, do I ever think it's a good idea to go out to a restaurant with the kids?

Sensing my crabby mood during and after the dinner, grandma pointed out that I shouldn't worry. The kids are fine, nobody else notices or cares about their behavior, and they're not bothering anyone.

I point out that they're bothering me. I care. I do not enjoy dining with my children at any public place.

*sigh*

At least it was "kids eat free" night at IHOP, so we didn't have to pay for all of that uneaten food we left on the floor.