Five Minute Friday: Older

Older
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Something that I've been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that I'm getting older.  Of course we all know it's happening to us each and every day, but how often do we actually reflect on that fact?  If you're me, then it's happening every time you look in the mirror.

I've spent the last year or so fighting it on my face.  Buying creams and facial cleansers designed to even out the dark spots; other creams to fill in the wrinkles that are creasing my forehead and eyes; other things like sunscreen to try to stop the damage from getting any worse.  I had been thinking it was helping until I looked at a picture of myself from just over a year ago and realized how different the face looking back at me in the mirror is today.

The girl in this picture is obviously laughing, smiling.  But I don't see all of the wrinkles around her eyes that I see around mine today.

I've grown older, but I'm not exactly sure how or when.  I'm quite sure that it happened sometime in the last 8 years since I became a mom.  Eight years when I spent more time worrying about my children and their needs than my own.  Eight years where I sort of put myself on hold; stopped growing so that I could help my children grow.  Eight years where I longed for the days when I would once again have time and could go back to being myself.

But the thing is, now that those eight years have passed and my children have grown significantly, I can no longer find that person that I used to be.  The one that I put on "hold" eight years ago.  I had so desperately wanted to go back to being her, but now I realize she's gone.  Now there's an older version in her place that bears the results of 8 years of pregnancies and child bearing and parenthood.  Eight years of job changes and moves and financial worries.  She has sun and age spots on her face, wrinkles where there once were none, gray hairs popping up around her face, and body parts that never went back to looking like they did before. 

I know that I'll probably never stop looking for her, that girl I was 8 years ago, but I also know that I'll probably never find her.  She's gone, and now I'm different.

Older.