The Sacrifice Is Worth It

Nearly three and a half years ago, we made the decision to become a single-income family. While we were previously living a life that required every penny of our two incomes, there was no choice in the matter. I had to let other people care for and raise Jenna while I went to work each day caring for and helping to raise other peoples' children as a teacher. It was purely financial, it was cruel irony, and it broke my heart nearly every day. All I hoped for back then was a choice. To be able to stay home, if I wanted, and know that we could make it. The sacrifice would be worth it.

My last day of work was the day Kara was born. Today Kara is three years and four months and two days old, and I have been at home with her every day of her life (and also Jack's 16 months and two weeks of life). These 40 months of my life have changed my life in ways I can't even begin to describe. I've had many, many ups and just as many downs . . . days where I love being at home, days when I question whether or not I should return to work . . . days where I can't keep up with the pace, days where I'm bored to tears . . . days where everything goes right, days where everything goes wrong. . . days where I need to get away and be by myself, days where I feel intense loneliness despite being constantly surrounded by my children. But, even in the hard times, I have to remind myself that there is nowhere else I'd rather be. The sacrifice is worth it.

Living on one salary has put tremendous pressure on our family. Mark has had to shoulder the whole financial responsibility for the family, and I have had to get used to not being a contributor. Not that I contributed a staggering amount to our family's income, but it was something. The little bit that might make a difference. It would probably be enough to give us the opportunity to keep our credit card balances at zero, and help build up the savings. We budget every dollar, we clip coupons, we've never hired a babysitter. We can't afford memberships to museums, tickets to events, or vacations. We haven't been able to buy a new car, do home improvement jobs that we want to, or shop for luxury items. Mark and I rarely, if ever, get to go out on dates, buy new clothes, or give each other gifts for holidays. Buying Christmas gifts and back-to-school supplies has become difficult, and can never be done without making major sacrifices in other areas of our life. And I don't mean skipping a manicure here or a shopping spree there. I mean deciding whether to buy toilet paper or paper towels this week, depending on which one we really need more. But, the sacrifice is worth it.

Over the last few years, I have met lots and lots of families with a stay-at-home parent. I often times find myself envying their financial comfort. I watch people remodel their homes, go on vacations, enroll their kids in expensive classes, buy memberships to museums and zoos. I wonder how it is they are able to afford it and, more importantly, why we aren't. At those times, I have to remember that there are other people looking at us, and envying the fact that I can stay at home. Not everyone has that luxury. I was there before, and I know how that feels. To just want the choice.

Lately I have been able to think back to my own childhood, to the days when my mom was home with us day in and day out. I can't recall any specifics of the activities that filled our days. I'm sure we went to zoos and I know we took vacations. But I really can't remember them. What I can remember is my mom always being there, day in and day out. I can remember the intense bond I had with her, and the feeling that my dad was our breadwinner and protector. I remember my childhood as carefree, fun, and comfortable. I can only hope that the sacrifices Mark and I make today will leave the same lasting impression on our children. I hope that they will never remember the sacrifices we made, but will instead be left with the feeling that it was worth it.