Chess Stress

Okay Jenna, I'm going to let you in on a little secret here. Mommy doesn't know everything. Shocking, I know, but true. Case in point: chess. Never played it, never learned anything about it. Don't know even the basics of the game, or what the pieces are called.

Recently you decided that you would like to take part in your school's chess club. That's right, chess. For kindergartners. Daddy and I were amused at the idea and a bit curious, so today I attended the parent sign-up meeting with you after school.

At the meeting, we ran into our across-the-street neighbors who also have a daughter in the chess club. They assured me that the club was great, and you would get a great introduction to the game. I began wondering if I could possibly be a part of the club too, just to learn!

Once we got home, said neighbors came across the street with gifts to bear: an instructional book on how to play chess, written at a level that you (and possibly mommy) can understand . . . and an instructional chess board with the rows and columns labeled. (See, I've already forgotten the actual name for those rows and columns on a chess board.)

Anyway, once we got in the door, you settled right into the couch and began reading the chess manual. Reading it. Not looking at the pictures, but reading the instructions. When I finally convinced you to act your age and go play for a while, I began paging through the book. I learned the names of the pieces, where they go on the board, and what directions each can move. Simple enough. But each page gave me some more new terminology, new rules, and new pointers. Each page I turned erased in my mind what I had just read. No retention at all.

It reminds me of the time I went to a Craps lesson in Vegas. I'd always wanted to learn the game because that is where all of the hootin' and hollerin' take place in a casino. About 10 minutes into the lesson, I realized that there were more rules and exceptions to the game than my tiny little mind could contain. Suddenly the flashing lights and noises around me became distracting, and I found myself wandering away from the class towards the big spinning Wheel of Fortune game. I have the attention span of a gnat, you see.

Anyway, reading our new book, I learned words like "checkmate" and "mate" and "draw" and now (about 4 hours later) have no idea what they mean. I also can no longer recall the directions the pieces can move in or where they start on the board.

I'm going to be of no help to you at all. I keep telling you we can learn together, but in all honesty, I'm just going to drag you down. All I can hope for is that it all begins to make sense to me . . . when you teach me.

Wasn't I just teaching you how to play checkers?!

We're entering a whole new phase in your life. This will mark the beginning of the time you will look back on in years to come. You'll remember this as the first time you began to realize that mommy doesn't know everything, and it's all downhill from here. Just wait until you progress past 2nd grade math.

I'm stressed. About chess. Yep, total chess stress.