Five Minute Friday: Whole

Last week I started doing a weekly writing assignment called Five Minute Friday.  Each week I'm given a one word writing prompt and I'm supposed to set a timer for 5 minutes and just write.  Here is today's edition.

technically you're supposed to "link up" to the person's site who created this link and activity, but I'm not linking up to anything since my blog isn't really a public blog

: :

"Whole"

I've often heard people refer to being "whole".  Like as in, "I wasn't whole until ____". 

Hearing that has made me wonder what it was that made me whole.  Was it when I finished college?  Got my first job?  Met Mark?  Got married?  Had kids?

No.  None of those things have made me feel whole.

Is that bad?  Is it wrong? 

What is wrong with me that nothing seems to bring me full contentment? 

Why is it that no matter what I have I'm always wanting more?

What will it take to make me feel "whole" and get rid of the selfish feeling that there is more out there for me?

As far as I can tell, I'm never going to feel whole, but you know what?  That's fine by me. 

I'm okay with always feeling a needing or a yearning to do something new or explore new places or have new experiences because that's what makes me grow.  It makes me who I am.  Every year, every season, every challenge, every problem and solution ... it all continues to shape me into the person that I am today.

I hope that I never feel "whole" because I'm afraid that will lead to complacency.  One time I looked up that word in the dictionary and found that while it feels like contentment and satisfaction it is also coupled with the fact that you're unaware of danger that lies ahead. 

I don't ever want to feel like I'm done learning, or done living.  I want to always strive to be a better person, do a better job.  Because in the end, isn't that what life is about?  Living each day as if it were your last isn't exactly easy, but every now and again we hear stories of people's lives ending too early or being limited by circumstances or disease.  We say it was "too soon", we lament the fact that they weren't finished living their life.  In our eyes they weren't done because they weren't whole yet. 

But who is?  I'm not and I'm okay with that.  I'm going to wait until I'm taking my last breath and hope that I'll have time to enjoy the feeling of being "whole" because until that moment, I'm not done.